The Day She Smiled....

I still remember the day she smiled at me for the first time. It was the day she died!!!

She was my first crush. Call it infatuation or crush or my teenage fantasy, I like to consider her as my first love. It’s a face I'll never forget. There were many sleepless nights when I would dream about her and wake up terrified and crying.

I met her for when she was transferred to my school. I was in tenth and she was a year junior to me. Born and brought up in Mumbai, she belonged to one of those traditional aristocratic family legacy combinations like mine; the only difference being that I came from a Menon family while she came from a Roman Catholic family!

Her father had retired from service and had decided to spend his retired life in their ancestral home which was in my village. Yeah, our village has its own chain of ancient families with a legacy!!! That’s how she landed with her sister in my school.

She was good looking and soon was the talk of the school. At a time when every other girl oiled their hair with half a litre of coconut oil everyday and plaited it on both sides, here was a girl who had bouncy hair that was left open! Well, the PT instructor didn't allow it to last long but it was a welcome change for a few days. RC boys had a feast on Sundays and had enough to talk for a week till the next Sunday!

An introvert that I was, I didn't even know that she existed until I met her in my home one day! It turned out that Hitler and her dad were school days friends and they were supposed to lunch with us on a Saturday. I still remember the first time I met her. I can’t describe the feeling I felt when I saw her for the first time. I would term her as extremely beautiful, but to me, she was the most beautiful girl I had ever met! While her younger sister was talking non-stop, she didn't talk. She didn't even smile. I was extremely careful with whatever I did and tried my best to avoid being among them lest Hitler would embarrass me in front of them for some trivial thing. But I felt this strong urge to take another look at her face lest I forgot it!!!

I still remember that night reasoning with myself why she was so quiet. I found a millions reasons ranging from disliking the place to a tall, dark handsome boyfriend back in Mumbai! And I fell asleep with those thoughts. Maybe for the first time till then, I was longing for school. What if she smiled at me in school or even better, came and talked to me. I had even thought about the possible dialogues she would say!

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I felt so cramped in this place. I can’t find anyone who understands my present needs"

And like a typical mallu movie hero, I would reply with some cheesy lines "It is so difficult to understand someone if they don't trust their heart with someone; someone who can hold ur hands and fill that void in ur heart!"

And we would have a romantic song by the backwaters!!!

Well, I did see her the next day. Talking apart, she didn't even look my way. It was as if I didn't exist. And I knew that my intuition about the classical tall, dark handsome guy was true! Now my dreams were about how she would find out that he was actually two-timing her and she returns heart broken and I lend her a shoulder. And the hero goes and confronts the villain and teaches him a lesson. My poor pillow had to suffer some hard punches in the coming weeks!

Then it happened. It was a couple of months later. Now it was our turn to visit her house. My bro, the all-gentleman medico was home too. She was better and talking this time. But to the wrong person- to my bro! It seems she wanted to become a doc! How I hated this whole doctor thing then and there. Plus my brother. He always came into my life at the wrong time. Plus he was five years older than her. Even though Hitler would cling to family and tradition, what if in a crazy moment, he decides to bring her home as "ghar ki bahu"??? What if, like in the mallu movies, both our parents had made a promise long long back??? My thoughts were wandering and I was restless. Hitler's voice brought me back, "What are u thinking off? Finish ur lunch!"

The next day, I didn't want to go to the school. I couldn't think of calling her my "edathiyamma" (bhabhi)! I would rather die. And here she was, coming in the opposite direction. And as she passes me, she smiles at me. It was the most beautiful smile that I had ever seen. It was short but then it was meant exclusively for me. I was on top of the world. I didn't know how to take it. I was instantly happy and then I thought, she sees me as her brother-in-law. She wants me to like her. And she wants my family to like her so that she would land with us. And my brother was my number one enemy now. Whatever it was, I found that I couldn't dislike her.

I heard it around evening. She had drowned in their old pond in their backyard. She was supposed to know swimming. But she was found dead there. I was shocked and grieved and I don't know what other emotion over-whelmed me. I wanted to go there and see her for a last time. But I didn't dare ask my dad. I waited till night so that I could cry without anyone seeing me. I somehow took the blame for her death. I wanted to turn back time. See her smile again; and smile back at her and treasure that smile as mine own!

I began to dream of her frequently. There was this dark pond and a hand came out, calling my name and then pulls me into it. And I wake up sobbing and sweating. Slowly, thoughts of her began to fade. But she was indeed my first love!