Who Am I???

"Who am I? You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If somebody said it was a happy little tale... if somebody told you I was just your average ordinary guy, not a care in the world... somebody lied."

Thus goes the opening lines of the 2002 blockbuster, Spiderman.

Now the ball is in my court. Who am I? U sure u want to know?

I'm just yet another guy among u. A lot alike u but then so different from u. There isn't anything striking about me to make me stand out in a crowd except for the fact that I might look uneasy! Well, I've a problem with the, err, crowd or to put in another angle, two person is too much crowd for me!

So that’s where I begin. I'm an outright introvert. No no, I'm not proud about it and all. There had been times, when I've felt what if I wasn't. U know, especially when u have been seeing this particular good looking girl in the cafe for a few days now and u fumble and fumble inside urself for the right words and rehearse it a hundred times inside u and then suddenly the guy sitting next to u asks her, "Is that the latest copy of Verve with that exclusive on Mae West?" and I end up studying my palm and nails.

Born as the second child in a typical matrimonial ad material traditional-aristocratic family from Kerala and shadowed by my elder brother throughout my childhood thru puberty to teenage and continuing to my youth-hood, I was really insecure and ended up as an introvert. Well, I had no problems with my big bro; no sibling rivalry or anything but I guess he had! If being the school topper, athletics team captain and the school leader wasn't enough for him, he developed torturing me as a new area of interest. And I readily obliged! And I got a certificate for it that I still hang on my left eyebrow.

Ok, enough bitching about my bro. Well, he is quite nice actually. I should say so at least for the sake of his patients upon whom he operates. I don't want to be their anaesthetist.

I would like to remember my dad as a Hitler sans the moustache! He was very strict about one thing- everything that I didn't do! U know y Love Story is one of my favourite books? Cos Oliver calls his dad a SOAB all the time in the book. I know I shouldn't have said this but who cares. My mom was a poor soul caught up between all these. I guess she had a hard time seeing me getting all beaten up. Family bitching is also over.

Now let’s come to the part to what I did that eventually got me a job. I'm an engineer. I never wanted to be one. I didn't even know what an engineer actually did. But when my dad wanted to make me a doc, I knew I wouldn't be one. What was his mind on? Starting a hospital at home? Engineering was the only option before me. That was my first victory! My four years in engineering college changed my life forever. Not that I became much of an extrovert or that I had lots of girlfriend. As a matter of fact, I had a friend among girls and I was proud to call her my girl friend! It was there I met some of the most astonishing creatures called friends (Yeah, I had friends!) and there was where I found courage in booze and fag.

Now I've a good job that helps my stock of booze from not getting exhausted. Plus, I've a decent place to live with a lot of things thrown in for the effects. I'm a gadget guy!

And I've a huge bedroom with a nice bed and someone to share it. Boys, don't raise ur eyes; every dog has a day. I found her on mine. But she would be reserved for another post.

The Begining...

(A distant scream.....)

"Baby, what happened? What is it? ", she asked me. She had switched on the bed side lamp. The clock showed that it was just 3.30 in the morning.

I knew that I was sweating like hell. I was dripping wet in spite of the ac.

"I saw it again."

"The dream?"

"Yes. It would never leave me I think. One day, it is going to take me with it. "

"Oh baby" She was hold me tightly to her and I could feel my wetness dripping onto her cold body. She didn't mind it.

"Baby, it will all be alright. Just don't think of it. Go back to sleep. I'll hold u. It’s still two more hours to go."

"I don't think I can do that. I won’t be able to sleep again. U go back to sleep. I'll be fine. I just need to stay awake."

"Are u sure darling? I don't want u to be sitting all alone, thinking of it."

"No, I won't. Just go back to sleep."

I kiss her on her forehead and walk towards the bathroom. I turn on the hot water and stand under the shower. I could feel the warm water dripping from my hair onto my body and down... It was a feeling I immensely loved. I always felt secure within the enclosure of the shower. And it helped me think too.

By the time I was out of the shower, she had gone back to sleep. I still had one and half hours before she woke up. I wanted something strong to drink. Whiskey? Well, I preferred strong black coffee. I didn't want a headache while working. I put on the kettle and brewed a strong one and took it to the living room. My thoughts were back to the dream. It is the third time now. Every time I had woken up; sweating and panting. I didn't know why it came back to me. But I knew if I didn't find out what it meant, it would haunt and hunt me forever.

I switched on my lap. There was the picture of me and her taken during our last vacation in Matheran. I was giving her a piggy ride. I think Ashish clicked it. We had gone as a group, the five of us. It had just been two months since I had met her first. She was some of the things I always wanted. She was fun to be with, mature for her age and loved travelling and driving and always managed to laugh at my PJs.

I logged in to my Blogger account. There wasn't much to do. No one leaves any comments. I guess who reads my blog. I always check back to see if the number of profile views has increased. Sometimes, I refresh 10-15 times just for the sake of it. I always wanted to be like those social netizens who got so much attention with a lot of fans and followers. For that, either u had to be a really good social animal with a good sense of humour and creativity or u had to be girl. Luckily enough, I was neither. I'm an introvert. And I guess I'm not the only one who wonders how I got her!

I knew what I wanted. This would be my new blog; something with life and emotion. It would be about those things that my life is bound to. I want this to be a hit. I know that sex is a best-seller. Maybe, I could spice it up occasionally with titbits about my love life. I know that is cheap. Well, I don't have the courage to come into limelight and do it. So, here I'm. U know me but still u don't. This is me, living my new lease of life on Blogger.